still here

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this past few weeks the fear of being left behind has crept up behind me, closer and closer until it reached close enough to tap me on the shoulder, made me turn around, and now i am unable to see beyond it.

to be dramatic, it is as if i floated into the atmosphere, just to escape for a little while, and it was fascinating, watching the world spin beneath me, until i realised it was moving on without me. without needing me.

isn't this what i wanted? why does getting what i want still feel so... sucky?

life is so different and still very much the same. it's so frustrating to have run 3000km and end up in the very same place.

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A long time ago, I fell in love with the wrong guy. And now, I feel like I'm paying for it every single day for following my heart and not my head.

When will I be loved again? It's getting really tiring waiting for a decent guy. Maybe I missed my chances already when I closed my heart off to two really decent guys in the past to follow 'love'.

In the end, look at where 'love' lead me. A bitter single old fart who envies other people's relationships.

Sigh.

Damsel not in distress = spinster?

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Every girl dreams of being swept off their feet, and having their knight in shining armor.

But how does a knight in shining armor save the day when the damsel won't allow herself to show distress? Or if the damsel constantly saves her ownself? Or if the damsel's family are always around to save her?

Is this how spinsters are born?

Someone needs to teach me how to be a damsel in distress before I end up an old maid..

A different Ria life

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P84

My last post was about applying for jobs. Between then and now, I applied for 2, got one, finished the puasa month at APR and actually survived a whole month of being a web editor! oh, and also finally moved on from being a student to being a graduate.

Now, if only prince charming will come sweep me off my feet. Then, life would be perfect. For now, I guess I'll just be contented with what I have.